CHECKED EM, AND THAT WAS ANOTHER FULL DAY OF DRIVING AROUND. NO SKATING, JUST LOOKING IN BACKYARDS. A COUPLE FULL TANKS OF GAS LATER, I FOUND A SUITABLE THREE TO DROP PUMPS IN.
WHILE CHECKING ONE OF EM, I FOUND A LITTLE TREAT.
A REALTORS' SWEET HALF HORSEPOWER PUMP, AND FIFTY FEET OF HOSE. FUCKIN SCORE, OR SO I THOUGHT.SO I WAITED FOR SUNDOWN AND CREPT IN THE FIRST BACKYARD, SATISFIED THAT I WASNT OBSERVED, I SET UP MY PUMP AND LEFT IT TO DO ITS JOB. GREAT RIGHT? RIGHT.
OFF TO THE NEXT ONE WITH MY NEW SWEET PUMP IN HAND AND DROPPED THAT ONE TOO WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY BUDDY FROM SPAIN, IN TOWN TO SKATE, AND HE WAS ALL STOKED TO HELP DRAIN EM.
WENT TO MY OTHER BUDDIES LITTLE GET TOGETHER AND WATCHED DICKHEADS GET DRUNK, AND SLUTS DO SLUT STUFF.
4 HOURS LATER I MADE THE 40 MINUTE DRIVE DOWN TO THE FIRST ONE I WAS DRAINING AND FOUND IT DRY DOWN TO A 20 OR SO BUCKET PUDDLE THAT I USED TO WASH THE SLIME DOWN TO THE DRAIN COVER. THIS IS ABOUT 230 A.M. WHEN IM DONE WITH THIS.
SHOWER THE POOL SLIME OFF ME, EAT FOOD, SLEEP.
WAKE UP. EAT FOOD. DRINK COFFEE. REALLY FUCKING SLOW, STUPID PEOPLE WORK AT THE PLACES WE EAT IN. HOW DO THESE ASSHOLES GET WORK IN THIS ECONOMY?
THE FIRST POOL OF THE DAY IS THE ONE I FINISHED DRAINING AT 230 A.M. 20 BUCKETS LATER ITS DRY AND SKATEABLE.
RODE FOR TEN MINUTES. THIS BOWL SUCKS. TIGHT TRANNY, IT SURE LOOKED KILLER FULL OF OPAQUE DARK GREEN SLIME WATER. PRETTY MUCH UNRIDEABLE.SO THATS BLOWOUT #1
ON TO THE NEXT ONE I DROPPED THE PUMP IN THE NIGHT BEFORE, AND IM FREAKIN OUT THAT IM BURNING OUT THE PUMP
LETTING IT RUN DRY, AFTER ALL, THE BOWL MUST BE EMPTY BY NOW, RIGHT?
WRONG.
THE CIRCUIT BREAKER MUST HAVE TRIPPED PRETTY MUCH RIGHT WHEN WE LEFT LAST NIGHT, BECAUSE THE WATER LEVEL IS THE SAME AS IT WAS WHEN I LEFT.
CHECK THE OUTLET, SURE ENOUGH, BREAKERS TRIPPED. FUCK.
FULL POOL, = BLOWOUT #2 FOR THE DAY.
GO TO CHECK WITH MY BUDDY WHOS BEEN HYPING UP THE SESSION AT THE PERMISSION HES GOT GOING ON JUST UP THE ROAD FROM BLOWOUT #2,
AND HIS MOM HAS FALLEN ILL AND HAD TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL, WHERE HE ALSO IS, TAKING CARE OF HER. I HOPE SHES O.K., BUT THATS....BLOWOUT #3.
NO BIGGIE, IM THINKIN, I GOT MY BUDS FROM SPAIN AND CANADA WITH ME, AND THEYRE HYPED ON THE MISSION, (SORT OF, AFTER THE 3 SHUTDOWNS) SO I TAKE EM TO THIS ONE WEVE BEEN RIDING FOR A COUPLE MONTHS. SICK BIG ONE, WIDE OPEN IN A PRETTY REMOTE AREA, AWAY FROM NEIGHBORS, PIGS, ETC.
TOO BAD THE FUCKER IS NOW OCCUPIED.
BLOWOUT NUMBER 4 FOR THE DAY, AND WE HAD RODE IT 3 DAYS BEFORE WITH NO HASSLE. FUCK.
SESSIONED THIS PERMISSION ONE WEVE HAD GOING FOR 2 YEARS THAT IM SICK OF, JUST TO LET THE DUDES IM WITH SKATE SOMETHING. IM TOTALLY OVER THIS ONE AND THERES THE WORST LITTLE KID THERE THAT BUGS THE FLYING FUCK OUT OF ANYONE WHO TRIES TO HAVE A SESSION THERE.
I SKATE POOLS TO NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH SKATE PARK GROMMETS. THIS KID SCREAMS "MY TURN!" BETWEEN EACH RUN AND RUNS DOWN TO THE FLATBOTTOM AND BUTTBOARDS TIL YA WANT TO LEAVE THE POOL JUST TO GET AWAY FROM THE PIECE OF ANNOYING GROMMET SHIT. LETS HEAR IT FOR BIRTH CONTROL.BLOWOUT #5
SO WE WENT TO SKATE OUR RENEGADE CONCRETE PROJECT. ON THE WAY THERE I THOUGHT I'D TAKE A LOOK AT MY SICK ASS BARRIER WE JUST GOT BACK FROM THE CRACKHEAD WINNEBAGO DWELLER MOTHERFUCKER.
AND
ITS
RIPPED
OUT.
THEY DESTROYED THE CRETE WE DID AND HAULED IT AWAY.
MOTHER BITCH.
BLOWOUT #6
WE ARRIVE AT OUR RENEGADE SKATEPARK THAT WE BUILT, AND GET INSIDE TO START THE SESSION.
TAGGER MOTHERFUCKERS, AND NOT GOOD ONES WITH SKILLS, TOY ASS ONES WITH NO FUCKING TALENT WHATSOEVER HAVE TAKEN WHAT APPEARS TO BE A GALLON CAN OF CONCRETE BONDING ADHESIVE GLUE AND WRITTEN THEIR FAGGOT ASS NAMES IN IT ALL OVER THE RIDING SURFACE OF OUR SPOT. IT WASNT BY ANY MEANS DRY YET, AND IT TOOK US A FUCKING HOUR TO CLEAN THE SHIT OFF OF THE GROUND, JUST SO WE COULD GET SOME RIDES AT THE SPOT WE'VE SPENT A YEAR BUILDING, HAND MIXING EVERY BATCH OF CRETE AND PAYING FOR THE SHIT OUT OF OUR OWN POCKETS. I ALSO FOUND A FRESH PILE OF HUMAN SHIT BEHIND ONE OF THE TEMPORARY WOOD RAMPS WE PUT UP IN ORDER TO CONNECT THE LINE WHILE WORK IS STILL IN PROGRESS.
TO SAY I WAS PISSED OFF IS NOT EVEN BALLPARK FOR THE MENTAL STATE I WAS IN AT THIS POINT.
BLOWOUT OF THE DAY, UN FUCKING LUCKY NUMBER 7.
SO WE EAT A SHITTY MEAL FROM THE LIQUOR STORE INSTEAD OF RAD FOOD FROM THE SPOT I WANTED BECAUSE MY BUDDY WHO WAS DRIVING HAS PROMISED HIS FUCKING BROAD THAT HE'D HURRY STRAIGHT HOME AND WASH HER FEET OR SOME SHIT.
PUSSY WHIPPED FUCKFACE. NONE OF US HAD EATEN SINCE BREAKFAST, AND ITS 8 PM.BLOWOUT #8 AINT IT GRRRRRRREAT.
WE GET BACK TO HIS HOUSE 45 MINUTES AWAY AND I HEAD BACK OUT TO DROP BOTH THE PUMPS I HAVE ON ME IN THE ONE THE BREAKER POPPED ON, PREVIOUSLY REFERRED TO AS BLOWOUT #2.
WHEN I GET THERE, THE RAP MUSIC LISTENEING NEIGHBORS ARE HAVING A FUCKING PARTY ON THEIR BACK PORCH,
PREVENTING ME FROM RUNNING THE PUMP, AS THE SOUND OF RUSHING WATER WOULD HAVE TIPPED THEM OFF RIGHT AWAY. BLOWOUT #9 FUCKING SWINE.
SO I GO TO A MOVIE, AT A MOVIE THEATRE. SOMETHING I RARELY FUCKING DO, BUT HERE I AM 45 MINUTES FROM HOME, AND BY MYSELF AT 10PM, NEEDING TO DRAIN A FUCKING POOL FOR FUCKS SAKES. IT WAS THE ONLY WAY I COULD FIGURE TO LET THE NEIGHBOR OF THIS SICK FUCKIN POOL GET DONE DRINKIN HIS FUCKIN ALIZAY OR WHATEVER RAP PEOPLE ARE INTO AND GO TO BED SO I CAN DO MY THANGA THANG THANG TO HIS NEIGHBORS POOL.
GOOD MOVIE, REAL FUNNY. "SELL HARD" ABOUT FUCKIN CAR SALESMEN. REAL RAUNCHY. JUST MY KIND OF HUMOR. SEE IT WITH YOUR 5 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER SO YOU CAN EXPLAIN WHAT ANAL FISTING AND DILDOS ARE.
MOVIE OVER, I GO BACK TO DRAIN THE FUCKING #2 FOR THE THIRD FUCKING TIME...
HALFWAY DOWN FROM THE TOP AND THE ENTIRE BACKYARD, WHICH VERY CONVENIENTLY SLOPES DOWNHILL TOWARD THE POOL, IS FLOODED RIGHT UP TO THE COPING, THUS PREVENTING ME FROM GETTING THE MOSQUITO FILLED GREEN FROG INFESTED SLIME OUT OF THE FUCKING POOL SO I CAN USE IT FOR WHAT IT WAS MEANT TO BE USED FOR, SKATE FUCKING BOARDING.
BLOWOUT #10.
THATS TEN.
I WENT HOME.
HERE I SIT AT MY FAGGOT ASS COMPUTER, 3:07 A.M.
I AM HONESLY CONVINCED THAT ALL THIS MISFORTUNE IS MY PENNANCE FOR SWIPING THE PUMP FROM THAT ONE THE DAY BEFORE.
CRIME DONT PAY, I GUESS.
SUCH IS THE LIFE OF THE POOL OBSESSED FUCKERS I IDENTIFY MYSELF WITH.
THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS MY CHIN UP IN THE FACE OF ALL THIS ADVERSITY IS THE KNOWLEDGE THAT FUCKING WORTHLESS DOUCHEBAGS LIKE YOU WILL NEVER, EVER FIND AND DRY A BACKYARD SWIMMING POOL FOR ME TO SKATE.
SO I DO IT MY FUCKING SELF.
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