WENT UP TO CANADA LAST WEEK

SEEMS LIKE I AINT BEEN SPENDING MUCH TIME AT HOME LATELY. WHILE YOU WUSSIES WERE PICKING OUT FLORAL PATTERN WALLPAPER AND HOLDING YOUR WIFES PURSE WHILST SHE TRIES ON THAT XXXXXL MUUMU THAT HER MOM SAID MAKES HER LOOK "SLIMMER", I WENT TO CANADA TO SKATE, BUILD CONCRETE, AND FUCK AROUND WITH BIKES. HERES WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE: YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND WAS THERE LOOKIN FUGLY THIS FUCKIN DARK PICTURE IS OF MY BUDDYS' FUCKIN TREASURE: A GARAGED SINCE THE 40'S 1939 KNUCKLEHEAD IN SICK CONDITION. RUNS. HE RIDES IT ALL OVER UP THERE. FUCKER. LEESIDE! LEE MATASI WAS A RAD SKATEBOARDER, ARTIIST, AND GENERALLY SICK BRO THAT GOT SHOT DEAD IN A FUCKIN LAME ASS TOUGHGUY GANGSTER SCENARIO BY SOME PIECE OF SHIT TOUGH GUY GANGSTER WANNABE ABOUT 5 YEARS AGO. THE DUDES UP IN VANCOUVER MADE THEIR RENEGADE SKATEPARK TUNNEL SCENE IN HIS MEMORY, HENCE: LEESIDE!
I WAS ALL CHARGED UP TO MAKE A NEW OBSTACLE AT THE RENEGADE PROJECT UP THERE SO'S I COULD FEEL LIKE I LEFT SOMETHING BEHIND. THE DUDES WERE STOKED ON MY IDEA SO WE SET OUT TO BUILD A QUARTER DOME WITH A SCOOP TAKEN OUT OF THE FACE AS A WALLRIDE. WE HUMPED ALL THE EQUIPMENT DOWN TO THE TUNNEL: MIXER, GENERATOR (NO POWER ONSITE), JACKHAMMER, 2STROKE CONCRETE CHOP SAW, ALL THE SHOVELS, PICKAXES, TROWELS, FLOATS, MAGS, 4 TRASHCANS FULL OF WATER (NO RUNNING WATER ONSITE), AND 15 BAGS OF PREMIX/10 100 LB. BAGS OF TYPE 30. BE THANKFUL IF YOURE A SKATEBOARDER IN AMERICA. HERE, YOU CAN GOT TO HOME DEPOT AND BUY BAGS OF READY TO GO PREMIXED CONCRETE WITH ALL THE AGGREGATE AND SAND ALREADY MIXED IN. THATS OUR CHEAPEST BAGS. THEY WORK GREAT. UP IN B.C., HOWEVER, YOUR PREMIX BAGS ARE EXPENSIVE AS SHIT. THOSE DUDES GET THESE 100 POUND BAGS OF TYPE 30 (ALL CONCRETE DUST, NO FILLER, NO ROCK) AND YOU HAVE TO BRING IN YOUR SAND AND GRAVEL AND CHOP IT UP YOURSELF. HASSLE. SO WE GET ALL THE SHIT DOWN THERE. ALREADY HEAVY ASS WORK.
WE HAD TO CLEAR AWAY THE HARD-AS-ROCK DIRT PILE UP AGAINST THE WALL SO OUT CAME THE JACKHAMMER
THEN I T WAS TIME FOR THE SAW, CUT OUT A BELL CURVE THE SHAPE OF OUR DOME LOAF THAT WE WANTED TO MAKE WE GOT SOME TRUCK TIRES AND USED TRASH AND THE FUCKIN GNARLY DIRT FILLED WITH SYRINGES FOR BACK FILL. THEN, AS I'M JACKHAMMERING OUT THE TROUGH FOR THE CRETE TO MATCH UP TO THE GROUND, MY JACKHAMMER TURNS OFF. FUCK! I TURN AROUND YELLING "WHAT THE FUCK!?!?" AND COME FACE TO FACE WITH A VANCOUVER COP. WHOOPS. THEY WERENT STOKED. UP ABOVE THE LEESIDE TUNNEL IS A 911 CALL CENTER. THE CHOP SAW AND JACKHAMMER AND GENERATOR WERE LOUD AS SHIT IN THAT TUNNEL, SO BAD YOU HAD TO PROTECT YOUR PUSSY LIPS FROM VIBRATING OFF WITH THE RACKET. WE WERE BUSTED. THTE PIGS TOLD US TO PACK IT UP TIL' WE HAD PERMITS (IMPOSSIBLE TO GET) OR A LETTER FROM A CITY OFFICIAL SAYING WE WERE OK TO BUILD DOWN THERE. FUCK. WE LOADED ALL THE SHIT BACK UP THE HILL. AS MY BUDDYS VAN WITH THE GENNIE, MIXER, JACKHAMMER, AND SAW DROVE AWAY, I WAS LIKE "FUCK THIS. I CAME UP HERE TO BUILD, AND I'M GONNA BUILD. THE POWERTOOLS WERE WHAT BLEW IT OUT, SO WE'LL DO IT THE COVERT OPS WAY. BACK DOWN TO THE TUNNEL WENT THE SHOVELS TROWELS WATER AND BAGS. WE DECIDED TO FIX UP THE BARRIER AT THE NORTH EAST END OF THE TUNNEL, AS THERE WASN'T ANYTHING SKATEABLE DOWN THERE YET. I FIGURED IT'D BE RAD TO PUT A HIP ON THE SIDE-A THE BARRIER, TOO FAT CHRIS IS THE RADDEST DUDE EVER. HE FORMED UP THE CORNER AND A WALLRIDE WEDGE BEFORE WE EVEN SKREETED THE BARRIER TRANNY. FUCK THE PIGS. WE WERE ON A MISSION. MICHELLE FROM ANTISOCIAL CAME THRU WITH PIZZA AND BEER FOR THE CREW, AND PROCEEDED TO CHOP BATCHES OF CRETE WITH THE MEN LIKE SHE HAD A PAIR OF HER OWN SWINGIN. MICHELLE RULES. ANTISOCIAL IS TOTALLY FUNDING THE PROJECT AND RECENTLY DONATED $10,000 TO MATERIALS AND TOOLS. THEY RULE. FUCK YOU. AND HERES OUR MIDDLE FINGER TO THE SISSY THAT CALLED THE COPS ON US FOR CLEARING THE JUNKIE ZOMBIES OUT OF A TUNNEL AND MAKING IT INTO A RAD SKATEPARK WHERE GOOD TIMES GO DOWN.WE EVEN PUT A DECK ON IT SO YOU WUSSIES WONT BE AFRAID TO HANG UP. NOT THAT YOU COULD GET TO THE LIP ANYWAY, KOOK. WE BARGED THIS FUNNY LEFT HAND OLYMPIC THAT WAS GNARLY.

WENT AND SAW A FUCKIN OI! SHOW WHILE I WAS THERE TOO, YOU WUSSYS GOTTA CHECK OUT "ALTERNATE ACTION"!!!!! RAD ASS FUCKIN OI FROM CANADA, YOU HOSERS.THE DRUMMER HAD A RAD ANTI RACIST TATTOO. GOOD ONE, MAN.


A COUPLE NIGHTS LATER THERE WAS A FEW FUCKIN SKETCHY CHARACTERS LURKING AT OUR BARRIER. AS WE GOT CLOSER, WE SAW THAT THEY HAD SOME KINDA WEIRD ALTAR OF SACRIFICE PLACED AROUND OUR SHIT WE BUILT. AND THEY WERE DOING SOME CEREMONY OR RITUAL. THEN THEY CUT THE HEART OUT OF A BABY GOAT AND WHILE IT WAS STILL BEATING THEY BEGAN SKATING THE BARRIER ON THESE FUCKED UP LOOKING BOARDS WITH TWO INCH NOSES. THEY ALL HAD SKI MASKS ON AND THE TRICKS THEY WERE DOING ON THE BARRIER WERE THE SICKEST I HAD EVER SEEN. NONE OF THEM WERE CHEERING FOR EACHOTHERS TRICKS, THEY WERE JUST SILENT. THEY TAPPED THEIR BOARDS ON THE GROUND SEVEN TIMES WHEN ONE OF THEM PULLED OFF A TRICK. I WAS STARTING TO GET REALLY FUCKIN SKETCHED OUT, AND THEN THEY SPOTTED ME AND MY BUDDY WATCHING THEM. THEY STARED AT US FOR A SECOND AND I GOT THE HEEBIE-JEEBIES SUPER BAD. THEN THEY SLOWLY SKULKED OFF INTO THE SHADOWS AND WE TRIED TO FOLLOW THEM OUT OF THE TUNNEL BUT WHEN WE TURNED THE CORNER, THEY WERE GONE. I AINT NO WUSSY, BUT THAT SHIT FUCKIN CREEPED ME OUT.

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